Archive of CRN Home Page Topics for Discussion

Aug. 27, 2004 I'm too Shy! Hillel Weintraub, Future University - Hakodate

Is the quality of "shyness" a real characteristic of Japanese people or is it just a stereotype perpetuated by all kinds of media, including people themselves? In one of the Young Researchers Papers on these pages, a writer describes herself as "a quiet and shy girl". Many Japanese students, from elementary through graduate school, will say that they are too shy to do something. Even more important than the "saying" is the reality that many people probably see their own personality as "shy" as well. I'd like to challenge this perception here and at the same time challenge the idea that people are really any single quality, but rather are a complex and multi-layered shade of things depending on context. One way of changing our perception is to change the way we ask questions and make statements. The simplest way of doing this is to try to include context in our statements and questions as much as possible. Let me give you some examples: "I'm really shy when it comes to dancing in front of people I don't know" (context given) is a very different statement than "I'm really a shy person." (no context and over-simplification, seeing themselves as one-dimensional, rather than multi-layered.) Or here's an example of the different way we can ask questions which encourages seeing our personality as more complex: We usually ask each other questions like: "Which ice cream do you prefer, chocolate or vanilla?" (context free, simple choice) But this is very different from this kind of question: "On a really hot day after a long walk, if you could choose any ice cream, what flavor would you pick?" (open-ended, with a context,) Many years ago I was walking in the street with my young son and a stranger came up to us and admired my child. Then he turned to my son and asked, "Who do you prefer to be with, your mother or your father." I was pretty shocked by this question. It may well be that my son had a general preference, but why should a child be encouraged to over simplify complex relationships. Aren't there times when naturally he would prefer to be with me - I'm calmer in a car than my wife for example. (Wait - that's not quite right. On the open road, I'm calmer, but in traffic, she's much calmer than I am! So even that simple idea of "in a car" has many layers!) I enjoyed walking in the park with my son and my wife enjoyed playing in the house with him. So wouldn't a better question be, "Who do you enjoy walking outside with more, your mother or your father?" It always amazes me to see my students in situations outside of the classroom. It's like they have a twin with an opposite personality. Of course, it depends on the student and the context - some will come to life with a karaoke microphone in their hand, some with a paintbrush or a basketball. Some, of course, have very private expressive natures that we never see, but I doubt that anyone is equally shy in all situations. As teachers, parents, and researchers, I'd like us all to think about our stereotypes and how we use them, and how we can encourage our children and students to see themselves as more rounded beings, rather than single characteristic types. This is also important for us because we can begin to think about changing contexts for people, rather than the more difficult (impossible?) task of changing people, or even worse, giving up on them because we think they're "shy". For example, rather than thinking of a student as too shy to give a presentation, if we know that that student plays the piano in concerts, we might talk with her and find out what it is about that context that allows her to have the confidence and freedom to express herself! Then together it might be possible to create a similar context in her next classroom presentation! So, the next time you hear yourself or someone else say, "Japanese are shy." try to add some context to your observation. It will make a lot more sense, and also give yourself and others a clearer perception of the complex nature of our human personalities. I'd be interested in hearing about your experiences and thoughts on "shyness". Let's Talk!

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