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Mar. 26, 2004 Development of Tastes and Preferences in Children Dora Hojimatova, International Christian University

It is no secret that children often copy adults in the process of their growing up. In my view, this is how children grow up to be Uzbeks, Germans or Japanese, in short, people representing a certain group or culture. Of course each culture has its own characteristics. In almost all of my encounters with Japanese culture, I noticed that people here are very polite, somewhat shy and quiet. Even in the process of studying, in the class, it is not very often that university students would volunteer to speak. However, under this modest representation, usually there is a person determined to succeed in his or her future, with a positive outlook in life and concrete visions and plans lying ahead. The more I find out about my Japanese friends, the more I'm convinced that their modest nature doesn't stand for a passive personality. On the contrary, I see that my friends know exactly what they want in life and how to achieve their goals and dreams. I could not help but wonder, how it is possible, to combine a shy nature, and at the same time be aggressive in the positive meaning of this word. And I found an answer to this - by mastering the art of independently finding out about what they want and what they prefer to have from early childhood. I came to this conclusion while participating in a number of home stay programs with Japanese families, and also observing the children's behavior when they are out dining with their parents and grandparents. Having grown up in Uzbek society, the picture I saw in Japan really amazed me. Almost in all cases of dining, a mother asks her child such questions as: Where do you want to seat? Which plate you would like to use the one with the Mickey, or Winnie the Pooh? In the case of dining out: what should we order for you? At all times, parents patiently wait for the child to come up with some sort of answer that indicates his/her choice. Now, for a child of 5 years old and over, it is a normal question. Most children of this age are capable of independently managing their everyday life routine, such as dressing, brushing their teeth, putting away their toys, etc. Naturally, it is not very difficult for them to express a desire and try to pursue it. But for a young child, almost a toddler, I was wondering, how is it possible to know what is better. I thought most of the time young children don't quite know what they want. Well, not in the case of Japan. Here, children are actually given a choice and starting from a very young age, but before I elaborate on this statement, I would like to say a few words about the choices and preferences in children in my country - Uzbekistan. In a traditional Uzbek family, the importance is placed on thankfully accepting what a mother or father gives. The idea is: "parents know better." Therefore, choosing or expressing an opinion contradictive to one of the parents' raises alert in the family regarding this particular child. Parents fear that the child's taste for certain things and demanding them from a very young age will develop a somewhat negative character in him/her. They fear the child will become a kind of person who disregards other people's wishes. The idea of being nice to friends and siblings and showing respect to elders is pursued starting from the age of four. Most Uzbek families believe that in this age, a child is able to comprehend his actions; he is capable of listening to "what is right and wrong" from his parents or grandparents. At a very young age, if Uzbek children want to choose a toy, a snack, or what clothes they would like to wear, parents and day care teachers go along with that. The only difference with Japan in this particular picture is that parents or teachers do not necessarily encourage that, fearing to spoil the child. And I'm talking about the majority of cases, not every case. Given my background of being raised in a totally different society, seeing Japanese parents and grandparents so keen on letting the little children to choose and encouraging them to do so increased my curiosity to find out more about this. So I continued to observe the children's behavior while they are having lunch at fast food places, and came across a very interesting picture. In Japan, it is quite common that young mothers raising children do not have jobs. Therefore, they are bound to spend most of their time together with children, including their leisure time. So when these women want to meet their friends for lunch or dinner, they bring their children along. I saw many times that this activity is quite enjoyable both to the mothers and the children, normally below 5 years. Mothers and children are seated separately, at different tables. Mothers get to have their conversation (usually exchanging information on childrearing) and enjoy the meal, while keeping an eye on their children. At the same time, the next table occupied by the children, is a learning experience for them. As usual they choose a seat by declaring it to the peers who have come to lunch. As I have noticed, they don't care much where they seat, because all seats around the table are the same. But they get to exercise what they've learned at home, to express a choice and to maintain that choice, letting his or her presence known to the rest of the children present at that lunch. Sometimes when children have to share big portions of food that they cannot eat alone I've seen how mothers teach them to say, "May I start eating first? (this potato chips, etc.) So the idea of sharing becomes another little express of choice, which needs to be conformed by the other child who is sharing the snack together with him. By stating all of my observations here, I would like to point out that the cultural characteristics that distinguish one country people from another are carried on from mother to child, often without them both knowing about it. What amazed me particularly in this area in Japan is that children get to feel the importance of their opinion and their position to be able to choose independently at an early age, a characteristic that will follow them throughout their lives. Let's Talk!

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