Goal! N.S. Doshisha International Jr/Sr High School, Kyoto, Japan

The human being called N.S. does not exist without including the word football in her life. For other people it may look as though it is just one of many hobbies, but in explaining my life (so far anyway), I cannot erase the word football from my vocabulary. "GOAL!!!!!! GOAL!!!!!!" To make a football match interesting players try to score goals in order to win and also to entertain the audience. The same as that, my motto is to find my own goal and to make a big effort out of it to score a goal in order to have an entertaining life like a football match! The first encounter with football and myself was when I lived in England. Being five years old and having no idea whatsoever of what football was, I just played it with my father in a park, near our house. As my family and I hardly saw our father because he came back home in the middle of the night, I felt very isolated when I heard my friends talk about the time that they spent with their fathers. Although I tried not to show my most intimate feelings to my family, on the weekends when my father stayed at home I usually used football as an excuse to restrain him from work. Running around the field and kicking the ball was all we did, but it was the only thing that I could ask him to do, without anybody finding out that I actually missed him. When I got to play football with him, I remember that I was really happy and tried extremely hard to get his attention and to get him praise me.

After a few years, I had become ten years old and my family had moved to Milan, Italy. It was and still is one of the best places to play and watch football because many strong players play in the strongest teams, such as A.C Milan and Juventus. Luckily I was able to attend a coeducation school called The Sir James Henderson School of Milan. But unfortunately, at first I could not easily fit in to the new class and get friendly with everyone because my classmates were all so close to each other, and also because I didn't understand what they were playing during the lunch breaks. One day, after a month had passed, I was sitting on the bench away from my new 'so-called' friends, partly because I couldn't understand what they were saying in the American-Italian pronunciation, and partly because I felt left out. Sitting on my own was a way in which I could feel free and relaxed, though a little sad. As I was watching, people in the playground gradually increased as time passed by, and in one area of it some guys started to play football. A little bored, I concentrated on inputting and attaching people's faces and names together, wondering if that was one of the reasons why they didn't let me in their groups. When, suddenly three girls came towards me and said, "Do you wanna join in?" I was about to scream my head off! I was so surprised! They were the three girls who were the most popular and famous in the school! I had always wanted to become friends with them because they seemed so much fun to be with. I was so happy, and to be honest I had been desperate to join in the game, but I didn't have the courage to ask anyone. I was over the moon and immediately joined in. I got in to the so-called pitch and tried to play. Although I made many mistakes and got bruised all over, I had great fun! At times the ball would go over the fence into the neighbour's church playground. One of us would climb to go and get it and it was so thrilling!! It was definitely much better than sitting on the bench bored stiff. Since then I became a regular member of the game and played goalkeeper or defense. A very dull but an important role in football which you can get easily bruised... But as long as I had fun and my 'new friends' called me in, I continued to play.

Most of the friends that I made in Milan played in this game. Even though us four were the only girls playing, I can definitely state with confidence that thanks to the three girls; Nadia, Jennie and Sarah, I was able to make lots of friends at school and enjoy life there. After living in Milan for three to four years my family was told to return to Japan due to our father's job, and when I became a senior high student I decided to become a manager of the boys' football club. Having a knee problem was one of the reasons to become a manager. In junior high I played basketball, but after retiring and finding out that I had a bad knee that was not suitable for playing basketball, I couldn't continue. I then had a choice between making a girls' team of football from the start and becoming the boys' manager. But after thinking deeply and reading the school rules I found out that making a new club wasn't as easy as I thought... Having an injured knee that could hardly be fixed, I decided to become the manager. In reality not many people would think that I went into the club with all these reasons, but just simply because I found a cool guy in that club and wanted to become friends with him. Everyone asked me, "So, who's your lover boy then?" kind of question and it really got on my nerves because I hardly knew the people who were in the club. Being part of the football club for three years now, this year will be the last year that I will be the manager. Due to the past incidents that have occurred during these years, I am determined to say that I have grown much more mature than before. Being a manager is quite difficult, thinking about everyone's thoughts and feelings and how to react and how to work etc. for the players to trust you and to do a decent job. Although managers are better off than players are when comparing the amount of physical strength used during club, instead managers need to use their brains and hearts more than the players. Giving moral support and to maintain their trust upon us.

Trying to keep in mind that managers have the same amount of right and responsibility towards club as players, I'd like to be treated as one of the members, in order for club participants to admit me. I hardly skip club, and if I have something else to do I usually try to finish it or do it out of club time, because we should keep things separately and make our best effort in both study and club. At times, without conscience, both managers and players seem to hurt my feelings by saying things or NOT saying things I want them to. E.g. when they take it for granted that I wash their club uniform which they use during practice. Although I wash it by my own will, I wish they would at least say 'thank you' or 'Cool! It doesn't smell!' kind of words. It really makes me feel that I'm working for them, working like a maid. It's not that washing the clothes for them in my own time that makes me angry. I feel that it's unnecessary to do it, and it makes me feel stupid, as I think that the players don't really realize the difference, of when it is washed or not. But on the other hand I get really happy when they say that it smells nice, or thank you or something of the kind. It made me understand how important it is to say my 'P's and Q's' and to not take people's kindness for granted. Players probably don't mean to say these words in that sense but these words really upset me. I feel useless, unneeded and am very shocked to know that they don't understand how much I'm trying hard and how much I am contributing to club. These upsetting moments and when the relationship between the managers weren't going too good, I felt like quitting club a number of times, but once I asked one of the players' opinions about my problems and to my surprise he helped me out a lot. He encouraged me to stay by saying the things that I wanted someone to say to me all the time. He really hit my heart by saying those words and I can still remember almost exactly what he said. When the club was about to be abolished because a member of the club was found smoking, we had many meetings in which the coach and the players have discussions. Usually, managers are kind of out of this discussion (with no reason), and I felt unneeded once more, but during one of the meetings the captain suddenly asked me, "Natsuko, what do you think about this matter?" I was totally dumbstruck. Although I had lots of ideas and opinions whilst listening to the meeting when he asked my opinion, all of it blew away and my head went blank for a while. I was totally surprised and so happy because he asked my opinion in front of everyone, during a meeting! I felt that all the effort that I put in to club was worth it and that my contributions to it weren't meaningless. Monopolizing my father, looking for new friends in the new atmosphere, looking for a decent club... There are lots of reasons to why football plays an important role in my life. It has changed my own character and it is one of the ways in which I can express my most inner feelings. To become a football referee and also to become one of the best and most trusted managers is one of my future goals. Football has given me many memories, good and bad, and I am sure that it will be one of the necessary elements for my future. It has taught me to never give up even when many things that you don't expect happen to occur. Dribbling along the endless football field is quite tiring but once having seen the goal I will feel it closer. The players of the opposite team will try to stop me scoring the goal but as long as I am not sent off I will show my most intermit feelings and have an entertaining life!

Shiokawa, Natsuko (2000). Goal!. Retrieved March 25, 2001, from the Doshisha International Jr/Sr High School web site: http://www.intnl.doshisha.ac.jp/projects/3sa/2000/memoir/sa2/f34-natsuko.html

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