Memoire M.N. Doshisha International Jr/Sr High School, Kyoto, Japan

After going to the music room, I walk down the long hallway, passing the art room on the left and passing the small class rooms which used to be a large hall for junior high school students' morning services on the right. Now the hall is divided into three, and I go into the third room---the same routine that I have been doing for six years. When I go into the room, I take the seat by the window side. Everyone is playing the flute, the same old view I see everyday. However, people who are practicing change every year. I have been seeing various people come and go. This year, two junior high students joined the flute part and one girl from high school has joined the oboe part. When I look at them, I remember my first days when I joined the club. Even when I close my eyes right now, I still remember the faces of the graduates from this club. They were really a big part of my life, and some still are, like Michiru and Masaho. By the encounter with them, I learned a lot of things. Not just the techniques of playing the flute, but they helped me become a person who I really want to be, and to create my self-identity that is not yet finished. Being in the club took a big roll in creating my self-identity. This room was where I felt at home.

At first, I was not interested in the Brass Band club. I thought that Brass Band is where maniac people gather and my image for the club was not bright. However, since my mother said I had an offer to join the club from a girl, who was already in the band and our mothers were friends, and since the music that they played during the culture festival was so magnificent and left a strong impression, I decided to join the club anyway. I will never forget the first day of the club. I was surprised at the high level of the players, and I was also overwhelmed, because I had confidence that I will be able to play thoroughly in the club. But when I took a look at what the senior students were practicing, I realized that my confidence was nothing more than an overconfident.

Since my level was extremely low, I was not able to join the other members to play a piece. I sat apart from the other members, and practiced basic skills. The pieces for the basic practice were boring and tough, so I often thought about quitting the club. There were other reasons why I wanted to quit the club. I used to play the flute for fun, so I only practiced when I wanted to. However, when I entered the band, that equaled that I had the obligation to play the flute and that was not what I wanted. Also, when the senior students went to the music room to ensemble, I was left alone, and that brought me loneliness. However, even though I was on the lowest rung of the ladder, everyone treated me nicely like their young sister, and since I am the only child, I was able to have imaginary older sisters.

After a few months of boring basic practices, I was finally able to play a piece in the brass band. I still remember the title---"Mercury" and "The Orient Express". I was really delighted to be able to play with the other members of the club, and my heart was filled with enthusiasm. However, things did not go the way I wanted it to go. The pieces were extremely hard for the freshman, and I troubled the sophomore students. But they did not abandon me. One of the sophomore student, Michiru, taught me patiently and step by step during lunch. She was the first person to compliment me, and I remember thinking that I will not quit the club after having her take time for me to teach me various techniques. Michiru visits the flute section often after she retired the club. It is very odd for me to see her after her graduation, but since she comes and teaches the freshmen, I am really grateful and I remember wishing to be like her when I was young.

Before Michiru's retirement from club, and when I was in the eighth grade, a freshman that changed my club life joined our section. Her name is Masaho, and she was really good player for a freshman. Since there was a concert coming up which we were not able to participate in, we were often left alone, and we talked about our favorite TV stars and what happened during class. Even though she joined the club after me, since she joined when she was in the tenth grade, she graduated the club before me. I still clearly remember the feeling of the day of the last concert that she played in. At the retirement party after the concert, I could not stop my eyes from watering. I could not think a club without her. When the party was about to end, all the graduates gave a small speech. When it was Masaho's turn to speak, I was crying with my voice out loud. She said in the speech, "there were many times when I wanted to quit the club because it was so harsh, but I did not quit the club because Mina supported me". When I heard these words, there was nothing that made my eyes stop from watering big drops of tears. I was very sad and lonely that she is not going to be in the club anymore, but at the same time, I was really glad that I was able to be a help for the others to avoid the loneliness and the abandonment that I experienced.

Few years after Masaho retired, I became the leader of the flute part. I think the senior students might be surprised at me because I was doing really poor and I did not have any confident. Bringing up the members enthusiasm to practice, teaching the freshmen, making the members unite as one, and listening to the members' complaint is not easy, but I am enjoying my work and practice. Every day, every week, I just sit and stare at the notes and play the flute, but these days have ended on September 10th, the 14th annual concert. It was my turn to retire the club.

For the big day- September 10th, Brass Band members went to Nagano for training camp during summer vacation for a week. Before the camp, there was no realization that I am going to retire, since going to club activity was part of my daily life. However, after the camp ended, and started rehearsing at the chapel, the realization that I am going to retire came like a big tide in my heart. I can not believe myself that I am actually standing where Michiru and Masaho were in the course of life. Before the concert, I just decided to perform stately and when I think back, I did not want to fill my heart with regret that I could have done better. My younger club mate, Mikako said to me not to perform that leaves regrets, too. When the concert started, my technique was unusually great, and the flute part and the clarinet part was complimented by the band trainer, Mr. Matoba, who does not usually talk good about us. By his words, I was so happy that I could not express it into words. And I was greatly proud of all the girls in the flute part (there are only girls in the part) that really practiced hard. The concert went smoothly, and when my name was called at the anchor, I can not stop my eyes from watering, and memories during the past six years scrambled across my head. After the annual concert, I just remember that I had the satisfaction that I was able to continue the club for six years, and the loneliness that I would never be able to play with the members again, forever.

Joining the brass band and playing the flute took a big part inside me. There is nothing that I continued for such a long time, since I often fed up with activities in a short time that I get interested in. For me, club is not only a place to cultivate the skill, but it is also a place to develop human relation. I have met many people who I can not meet if I did not join the club, and they each play a big role in my life. I went to concerts with them, and sometimes our section escaped the club to go to karaoke together. The member of the club is very important to me, and I am really grateful for the flute. Without it, I would have not met the other members of the flute section, and would not have been able to experience the days, which we played, laughed, and cried together.

To finish, I would like to share Masaho's letter that she gave to me on September 10th.

Dear Mina, Congratulations! You really did your best for six years. For me, you are more like a peer than a younger club mate since we went through hard times. So when I visited club after I retired I felt as though you are older than me because you became much more adult and leader-like when I was a senior. I said to you when I retired, but since you were with me, I was able to continue the club for three years. If you were not there I would have quit the club in a week. I really thank you. Lets go out and drink when you become 20. Masaho

Thank you Michiru, Miho, Marie, Akane S., Masaho, Atsumi, Aya, Mio, Saori M., Reina, Saori K., Satomi, Hiromi, Yukiko, Minaka, Atsuko, Misaki, Mikako, Miki, Akane T., Arika And to Tomoko, who has been with me all the time for six years

Hyakutake, Mina (2000). Memoire. Retrieved March 5, 2001, from the Doshisha International Jr/Sr High School web site: http://www.intnl.doshisha.ac.jp/projects/3sa/2000/memoir/sa1/a8-mina.html

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